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  • Writer's pictureTalesha Wilson

Bottoms Up: Exploring Mutual Sexual Exchange with Masculine Presenting Lovers

Updated: Aug 22, 2019

Before reading any further, please note that gender is a social construct that people should have the flexibility to define for themselves. This article is based on my experiences and should only be used as a reference and not a rule for all lesbian interactions. This is not the narrative for all of my lovers, just majority of them. Masculinity and femininity are both fluid and should not have restrictions based people’s gender or sex. In addition to that—although I am a cis gender lesbian woman—my attraction is to everyone who is not a cis gender heterosexual men. And as far as the shot shooters, read this before you hop in an inbox or DM cause ain’t no sense in you wasting your time cause I for damn sure ain’t gone waste mine.

Okay, I’m just gone come out and say it.

I’m tired of having sex with masculine presenting lesbian women/people, butch lesbians, studs, “Top” lesbians, or whatever they choose to call themselves. When I was a baby femme lesbo damn near 10 years ago, lying on my back and having all sexual acts being done to me was acceptable, but I have grown and matured and that shit is mad boring now. That pillow princess love making was starting to disappointingly resemble cis gender heteronormative sex. And quite frankly, that’s not all that fun.

Years ago, I ignorantly convinced myself that only masculine lesbians could give me that aggressive and dominating energy during sex and intimate setting that I have always desired. I am assertive in all other areas of my life so in my romantic partnerships and interactions, I yearn for days that consist of me coming home, taking off my bra, and being told what to do. There is a majestic tingle that happens to my body when someone says “Be ready at 7:00” because they made plans instead of “I don’t care. Whatever you wanna do.” I’m not sure which false theory about gender was responsible for teaching me that gender is an either or rather than a social construct that individuals should be able to create for themselves, but it has got to go. I have since learned that any lesbian woman/person is capable of making me feel that way.

Now that I have learned more about myself as it pertains to sexual pleasure, have had different lovers, and have gained a stronger appreciation for women/peoples bodies, I am ready to explore more creatively in the bedroom. Problem is, the masculine lesbians I date are not.

Engaging in lesbian sex is by far my favorite revolutionary act. It feels liberating to be in the embrace of a soft, curvy, and beautiful body. The way that our bodies feel, naked, against one another is unmatched. However, heteronormativity and societal gender ideologies have taught many masculine lesbian women/people that any sort of pleasure they receive outside of oral sex is a threat to their masculinity. For the most part, sex with them has consisted of being fingered, being strapped, oral, receiving anal, and vaginal bumping and scissoring. All of which are soul-snatching good. But now, it’s time for an exchange.

I want my current and future masculine lovers to allow me to do the same things to their bodies they would like to do to mine. If my lesbian lover wants to strap me with their 8 ½ inch silicon penis, I am here for it as long as I can return the favor. When she/they want to insert their fingers into my vagina and make my body squirm from perfectly hitting my g-spot, after I cum, I want to make her/them cum in the same exact way. And any type of anal sex that is done to me, I want to be done to her/them. A friend of mine, Austen Smith, once stated “My sex is genderless.” I do not want any gendered limitations to come with what me and my lover decides to do in the bedroom. Like Austen, my sex is genderless and I would appreciate my lover’s sex being the same.

I have considered that for some people trauma plays a role in how they perform in the bedroom and a sexual act has the ability to trigger that trauma. However, understanding does not equal accepting. If my lover will be triggered by something I want to do in bed, after communicating to me that, I would encourage her/them to seek help and guidance outside of the bedroom. If a specific sexual act will be dangerous or violent to my lover, I will handle that situation with care. I am specifically talking about the masculine women/people who refuse to be touched in the same ways they touch me because it is a threat to their masculinity and doing anything that makes them feel vulnerable is a threat to their masculinity. And that sounds too much like heterosexual CIS gender men ignorantly talking about things that they consider to be gay rather than who they have sex with, are attracted to, and have relationships with. If I wanted to engage in joyless, boring, one-sided sex, I would have continued doing it with men.

Lesbian sex is euphoric. But only when it is mutual. I’m not a pillow princess (ANYMORE) so there’s absolutely no fun in lying on my back and having all these sexual things done to me. And I personally find no fun in not being able to be a true lioness in the bedroom so touch me not’s are not a mood for me. I can’t vibe with someone who thinks that allowing me to give them head is enough. Although I am still very much attracted to masculine women/people, I have opened my mind and body to the exploration of feminine women/people who share a mutual love and understanding of my feminine body and do not mind allowing me to explore their bodies in the same ways. Because now I know that the masculine energy I desire isn’t only attached to people in masculine clothing. I am now aware of many feminine lesbian women/people who wouldn’t mind setting up a date night and then coming back to my crib, strapping me from the back as she/they gently pull my hair and then allowing me to insert my fingers into her/them as she/they reaches the climax. Hell, I am one of them so I am not sure why I was blinded before.

Of course, I’m not stating that all masculine presenting lesbians are this way. I know that there are some out there who ready for mutual exchanges during sex. Where Dey At Tho?

And for the masculine people who have a desire to share sheets with me, my sexually adventurous self won’t allow it if you’re not opened to loving on one another in the capacity. Any such type of sexual mediocracy is as annoying as that fly in the kitchen you can’t successfully swap. If you’re not ready for that, any sexual conversation is simply time wasted.

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